Oh Sh**

So the other day I was reflecting on my career as a nurse and thinking that I get paid to do the weirdest things sometimes. Like this one night at work, I had a patient that love to get attention in anyway that he could. This man happened to be in his 50's but acted like he was 5. Well as I walking down the hallway, I heard this man screaming and banging his arm against the side rail. So I walked in to see if he needed help and as I stepped into his room I was overpowered by the smell of poo. And I thought "well that's really gross," but yet continued to venture on into his room. Thinking that he crapped his pants and that's why he was screaming at the top of his lungs, since that is what we all do when it happens to us...ummm yeah right. So I am checking his bed and I don't find any "buried treasures" which I find really weird because the stench of poo is almost making me passed out, it was that bad. I decided to walk over to the other side of the bed for some reason...oh maybe I thought the air was better on that side or something...anyways to my surprise I find this nice little dark brown thing on floor that actually resembled a slice of a brownie minus the little powder sugared specks on it. And I was thinking to myself, well I am pretty sure that brownies weren't served for dessert tonight. So I cautiously approached "the brownie" afraid that it was going to jump out at me since that happens all the time. As I got closer to this chocolate delicacy, I realized this isn't a brownie!! This is his poo and what the heck is it doing on the floor!!! I started freaking out and tried to control my gag reflex at the same time while I looked back at the man. He, of course, started laughing like he had just played the dirtiest trick in the book on me. Well, it was pretty dirty since it did involve poop, I'll give him credit for that. After I was done freaking out and lecturing him how a grown shouldn't be playing with his poo in the first place, I noticed that this man had partaken in this "chocolate delicacy" before I had walked into his room. Poo was stuck between his teeth and under his fingernails! And I thought just touching poo and throwing it on the floor was bad enough. I just couldn't take it anymore! I called a CODE BROWN and waited for back up as I stepped out into the hall for a breath of fresh air.